'No-Scolding Parenting' Sparks Intense Debate on X (formerly Twitter)

On the SNS platform X (formerly Twitter), the term 'shikaranai ikuji' (no-scolding parenting) has garnered significant attention, sparking a lively debate. Many posts delve into the essence of this parenting approach and its common misunderstandings.

At the heart of the discussion is a clear distinction between 'okoranai ikuji' (no-anger parenting) and 'shikaranai ikuji' (no-scolding parenting). Many users point out that 'shikaranai ikuji' means avoiding emotional outbursts of anger or unreasonable reprimands, but it does not equate to abandoning necessary guidance or discipline for children. One user stated, 'No-scolding parenting means calmly implementing concrete consequences when a child exhibits undesirable behavior.' They emphasized the importance of following through on one's words, giving the example of telling a child, 'If you kick, we'll go home,' and then actually leaving, even mid-meal, if the child kicks a second time.

However, many concerns have also been raised that the term is being misunderstood, leading to 'neglectful parenting' or 'parenting that avoids scolding because parents don't want to be disliked by their children.' Examples include parents not intervening when their child bothers others in public, or allowing a child with a high fever to participate in a sports festival, thus neglecting appropriate judgment and discipline. In response to such situations, harsh opinions have been voiced, such as, 'Excessive no-scolding parenting results in 'useless individuals with high self-esteem but no room for growth, who cry 'power harassment' when reprimanded.'' Others comment, 'If you truly engage with your child, you will inevitably encounter situations where scolding is necessary.'

Furthermore, a prominent point is the increasing confusion between 'okoru' (to get angry/yell) and 'shikaru' (to scold/reprimand). Traditionally, 'shikaru' is an act of teaching and guiding a child towards appropriate behavior to foster their growth, distinct from 'okoru,' which involves yelling driven by parental emotions. Some posts suggest that the phrase 'parenting without emotional yelling' might be closer to the original intent of 'no-scolding parenting.'

This debate highlights the complex nature of the parental role in child-rearing, the education of social norms, and contemporary parenting philosophies. Opinions such as, 'Scolding or not scolding is merely a means; it's meaningless without results,' and 'Both 'scolding' proponents and 'no-scolding' proponents should approach parenting more scientifically and rationally,' have also been shared, questioning the fundamental nature of child-rearing beyond mere methodology.

The context

The Japanese terms 'shikaru' (叱る) and 'okoru' (怒る) are central to understanding this debate. While both can be translated as 'scold' or 'reprimand' in English, they carry distinct nuances in Japanese parenting philosophy. 'Okoru' generally refers to getting angry, yelling, or expressing frustration, often driven by emotion. In contrast, 'shikaru' implies a more constructive form of admonishment or guidance, aimed at teaching a child appropriate behavior and fostering their growth, ideally without emotional outbursts. The debate on X (formerly Twitter) revolves around whether 'no-scolding parenting' (叱らない育児, shikaranai ikuji) truly means avoiding both 'okoru' and 'shikaru,' or if it specifically targets the former while maintaining responsible guidance.

Discussions about child-rearing methods are often prominent in Japanese society, with a cultural emphasis on teaching children social manners, respect for others, and not causing inconvenience in public spaces. The rise of social media platforms like X has provided a new arena for these debates, often leading to polarized views on modern parenting approaches.